Having been at URI for several years and having also worked for a state office this summer, I've seen firsthand how much our state's budget crisis has affected state workers and institutions across the board. I could rant all day about how Governor Carcieri should be doused in water and beaten with a sock full of flour for failing to recognize the potential that URI has to generate revenue for the state, and failing to make the intelligent investments in higher education that nearly every other state in our nation sees as absolutely critical. But instead, I decided to come up with a few creative solutions of how URI could potentially regain some of those lost millions...
- We name academic buildings and residence halls after donors right? I propose we sell the rights to name each individual dorm room on campus for a donation of $500. I'd love to remind anyone living in 312 Merrow that it was once my room, back when cockroaches were the problem as opposed to being tripled up.
- And while we're on the topic of selling naming rights, why not attract corporate sponsors for each college or academic department? The Exxon/Mobil College of Environment and Life Sciences... The Frito Lay Nutrition & Food Sciences Department... the list could go on and the potential for irony seems endless.
- URI 101 classes have mandatory community service... why not turn that community service into actual hard-labor? University College could pimp out all those freshman as cheap labor to landscapers, construction companies, and all those nearby sod farms at harvest time.
- If parking services really wants to strike fear into the hearts of commuters, simply put a little clause in the fine print of all parking sticker purchases that gives URI the right to auction off any towed cars... at the very least freshman would stop parking in the commuter lots.
- Athletics was forced into the position of having to cut men's tennis, men's swimming & diving, field hockey, and gymnastics... Maybe we could afford to retain some of those teams if we started imposing fines on any unsuccessful athletics programs that we still have left.
- Speaking of athletics, maybe we could actually make use of the Ryan Center to draw in some revenue... Based on the fact that I'm charged a substantial 'Ryan Center Fee' every semester on my school bill for a facility I've only been in a handful of times, I'd say its not currently a very successful economic venture.
- URI could also take a page from all the airlines' playbook and start adding obnoxious up-charges on any minor convenience... you want to use a mouse with that desktop at the computer lab? $2... Want to access the on-campus wireless? $0.10/min... You want a second-helping at Hope? That'll be a $3 charge...
- And lastly, URI should tap its most valuable resource... its students. I propose that any URI graduates making over $80,000/year be subject to a hefty annual royalty payable to their alma mater. After all, URI made them what they are today, right?
As students have undoubtedly been reminded, while we can't get rid of Gov. Carcieri until 2010, there's plenty of local representatives that you can hold accountable for allowing the millions to flow out of URI's budget. The voter registration deadline for Rhode Island is October 4th, and since students at URI live here the majority of the year, regardless of where they're from, they can register to vote in Kingston (or Narragansett if you live off-campus).
