The Broad Street Pump: Now Serving Beer!

Yes, that's right, the Broad Street Pump is back in action for the first time since 1854... only this time rather than serving up cholera-tainted water, it will be spewing forth amateur brew concocted in west Berkeley. With the help of my esteemed colleagues, brewmasters Rob and Paul, I am formally announcing the informal creation of not one, but two, lines of homebrew - straight from our over-sized storage closet.... Red Star Brewing and Constitution Beer Works



Why create two different brands of beer simultaneously? Because we're clever businessmen, that's why. With the political climate in this country being what it is, there's no better to way to make a profit than by blatantly marketing to the ardent supporters of the liberal left and the conservative right. No self-respecting tea-partier wants to be caught dead drinking the same brew as some deadbeat, Muslim-sympathizing socialist; and why should the educated elite have to suffer the same swill as those creationist simpletons?

No, if this country is going to be properly divided the lines must be drawn. The time for common ground and putting our differences aside is over. We can no longer share the same simple pleasures; they must be branded and marketed in a diametrically opposed fashion. We here at Red Star Brewing and Constitution Beer Works are happy to provide this long-overdue service to a nation of individuals that have too often been forced to commiserate with their polar opposites over the same delicious adult beverage. Enough is enough.

So tape off your half of the room you share with that yokel freshman, show your neighbor how easily his Prius can be destroyed by an F-350, and crack open a fresh beer far, far away from anyone who disagrees with you about anything.