Post About Nothing

I'm a pretty crappy blogger. Even I will admit, between bouts of self-loathing, that there's a gem or two on this blog, even if those gems are only a couple sentences long. However, I really cranked out too many posts in February and I fear I'm suffering a residual loss of inspiration, intelligence, or wit (probably all three). There are numerous likely causes for this downturn in my blogging ability, and I will enumerate them here for my own benefit as I ponder how to get back on the track to achieving blogging mediocrity...

1. Imbalance of bodily humors. According to the ancient Greeks, the four bodily humors were identified as black bile, yellow bile, phlegm, and blood. Since blood was traditionally associated with the spring season I must be short on blood. Interestingly, it is also associated with the liver, my most oft-abused organ; could there be a connection? Perhaps.
2. Impending reversal of the Earth's magnetic field. On average it reverses approximately every 300,000 years, but we haven't had a reversal in 780,000 years! We're totally due for it.
   
3. Rabies. It can have an incubation period of several days to several years. I figure I must have been infected by a bat bite, which can sometimes go unnoticed. If its the long-incubation sort I'll slowly progress from malaise and fever to the more exciting symptoms like violent movements, uncontrolled excitement, hydrophobia, hallucination, and coma. Not even Dr. House could save his rabies patient. I'm doomed.
   
4. Lack of Artistic Angst. "Angst is a German, Danish, Norwegian and Dutch word for fear or anxiety. It is used in English to describe an intense feeling of strife." Basically, I think I'm too easily contented. I need some strife.
   
5. I am Job-esque. You know, Job, from the Bible. The almighty is testing me by ensuring my writing sucks. Don't worry God, I'm wise to your tricks. I don't blame you.
   
6. Armageddon. This is only the very first sign of the impending armageddon that we all knew would follow the passage of the Health Care bill. Damn you Obama.

Truth be told, I probably just need to adjust my whiskey-to-beer intake ratio. Perhaps that's the black and yellow bile the ancient Greeks were referring to.