We are going to be far and away the most despised sports fans in the country by January (just wait until the Celtics start filling NBA body bags with their opponents corpses). No human being raised outside New England will be able to withstand the verbal onslaught when some drunken mick starts ranting about the Patriots, the Red Sox, the Celtics, and lets throw BC in there too for good measure. The key to being the most obnoxious sports fans is continue our attempts to differentiate our teams from past dynasties, by labeling their exploits as destiny, by thinking 'we've earned it' or that 'this team is something special'. Of course the Patriots are special, they just made Joe Gibbs look like a monkey trying to solve a rubix cube! I think we New Englanders can take the role of obnoxious sports fan to a whole new level. We can be more than obnoxious, we can be pretentious, what with our enviable fall foliage, quaint towns, and progressive demographic. It won't be safe for anyone to cross that border into New York before long, we'll be so despised.
One last note. With the current field of Presidential candidates looking as worthless as, to paraphrase Jay-Z, a knife in a gunfight, I'm proposing we actually elect some winners to office. I'm voting Bellichick/Francona next November. Could you imagine the press conferences? The White House press corps would all kill themselves after 2 days of Bellichick. Take this tidbit from after the Washington game for instance:
"Q: At 38-0 you went for it on 4th down, on 45-0 you went for it on 4th down. What was the philosophy there?
BB: What do you want us to do, kick a field goal?
Q: I didn’t want you to do anything. I’m just asking what the philosophy is.
BB: It’s 38-0. It’s fourth down. [We’re] just out there playing. [We’re] just out there playing."
The man is a public relations genius. Or nightmare depending on how anxious you are. I would watch C-SPAN every goddamned day to see Bill tell reporters to go fuck themselves, in not so many words.
"Q: The recent altercation with Iran is being deemed an overreaction on the part of the U.S. military, and the Secretary General of the UN is calling your administration irresponsible and trigger happy. Do you have any comment on these accusations?
BB: No, I don't. I gave Generals Brady and Ortiz the authorization to execute a winning plan. They did just that.
Q: But don't you think that excessive force may have been used?
BB: What do you want us to do, sanction them some more? Me and Terry here are in it to win. You see these rings? [Holds up both hands, and the stuffed, severed hand of Eric Mangini that hangs from a gold chain around his neck, housing Superbowl rings 11-14] I've got more Superbowl rings than fingers dammit! You can bet Ahmadinejad wishes he had these rings, but he's not getting them, because he's now buried under a pile of rubble that used to be Tehran.
Q: Wildfires are ravaging parts of California, threatening crops of oranges. Will the Federal Govenment be providing assistance to farmers affected by the fires?
BB: Thats a question that I'll refer to Secretary of Agriculture Ramirez..."
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