How 'Bout Them Apples?: NFL 501(c)(3)

Just a quick idea I'd like to propose to Robert Kraft. An idea that I think the few thoughtful Pats fans out there will appreciate, because despite the all the wins, watching the Patriots play football is nearing the point of perverse. Teams like Miami that actually show up to play the Pats, with the thought of accomplishing anything other than assisting the Pats break records and at the same time bringing shame on themselves and their hometowns are some of the most naive, ass-backwards people in professional sports. A better strategy would be for the rest of the teams on the Pats' schedule to simply not show up, and if the Pats are coming to your hometown, just don't answer the door. Maybe letting them rust for another 9 weeks will give some loathsome team a prayer at beating them in the playoffs.

But back to my point...

I've been a Pats fan since 3rd grade. I sincerely love watching Tom Brady embarrass every defense he goes up against, and then act like it was nothing at the ensuing press conference. You know that Tom, Belichick, and Moss must get together every Wednesday, throw darts at an oil painting of Roger Goodell (pictured below) and laugh at videotape of the '72 Dolphins and how inferior they are. I imagine this usually culminates in a drunk-drive down to New York so Bill can piss on Mangini's doorstep. "Spygate" my ass. Why the fuck does every scandal, be it in the White House or Bill Belichick's sparsley decorated office have to have the suffix '-gate'? Its a testament to the sorry state of our media. You've got a juicy story like that and you call it Spygate? Jesus...

Anyways, my proposal to you, Robert Kraft, in order to make Patriots games worth watching again, is to sell Randy Moss. Actually, donate him. I think after this week the Dolphins are applying to become a certified 501(c)(3) non-profit, because they certainly looked like a charity case. Give him to them. Then we'll at least get to see Welker juking all over the field and Stallworth breaking 5 tackles after every catch - thats entertaining. Randy Moss is so good hes not even fun to watch, as Flubby over at KSK pointed out in this post. Donating Moss will earn the Pats a little goodwill, and will reduce their advantage over every other team to the point where they'll only look like a pack of hungry wolves decimating a deer caught in a bear trap, as opposed to Tom Brady being the 2nd coming of Christ himself. Just think about it Bob.